Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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