dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
