So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
