you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
