if i can run in heels then i can drive
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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