wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
