Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
