i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
