I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
