mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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