I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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