let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
