I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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