bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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