So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
