those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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