The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
