I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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