i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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