it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
