Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
