Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think my vagina is haunted
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
