okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
