Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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