"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize