I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
