I should be sponsored by Trojan
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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