apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
