im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
