I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
