So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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