Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize