thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
