I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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