its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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