Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize