how can u be prego again
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
