after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
