You don't have asthma, your pregnant
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
