You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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