the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
