So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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