AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
