I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
