I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
