Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize