Whod you bang
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
