what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
