To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
