Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
