I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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