R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
