what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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