Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Randomize
