It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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