meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
