I seem to have left my pride at pride
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
