I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
