I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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