Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
