She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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