I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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