Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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