Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My life is pants optional.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize