i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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