i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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