Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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